Amputee’d
Anyone who knows me well, knows I’ve always been single. My entire life.. come up on a quarter century of nothing being for sure in the romance department. If it was sure for me it wasn’t for them, if it was sure for them, I thought they were crazy.. and weren’t they?
Who can say forever.. who can say for always. My mom told me when I was about five I developed this characteristic of “but you said”. Like a little lawyer.. I tried to hold people to their word- even if their word was “we’re going to the mall later.”
Then you grow up and realize.. people change, feelings do to & nothing is for certain.
I never knew how they did it.. my friends; being in relationships- loving, losing, starting over.
I don’t know if I want to feel what it’s like to have someone on the same page as you completely and then over time, suddenly they’re throwing out the entire book.
I’m not that kind of girl.
I don’t do well with broken promises, so they’re better off not made.. but what I really believe the past 24 and a half years were preparing me for was being ready.
Ready to pick myself up, should things fall through.
I always said my worst fear was losing a limb… how did people go on not being whole.. missing an arm or a leg.
The things in my life, the terrible losses, and the blessings.. have all lead me to this moment; where I finally know:
I’d learn to cope.
Because of that, I’m not afraid any more.
Of anything.
I don’t even know how to put into words what I’m feeling, but I know that everything had to happen the way it did, and will continue- because no matter what, I will find a way through things.
+So neglecting my Tumblr!
I haven’t posted in SO long! Oh my gosh. I’m going to try and start again. I’ve been on Instagram more often, just because it’s easy for me to do on the go. It’s kind of turned into my online journal, but I do miss Tumblr posting.. I guess I just don’t have the interaction that I get from Instagram. I don’t remember the last time I actually talk to one of my followers, or anyone I followed - so it makes it hard to keep up with. I’m going to start again, though hopefully!
I have 13 weeks until Vegas, and I want to drop 40lbs (ideally). That’s 3lbs a week, so it’s going to take not only hard work, but pretty much a miracle considering I eat healthy, I’ve pretty much cut alcohol out of my diet, and I’m working out 4-7 times a week.
I’m up for the challenge!
What are your goals before summer?
<3
xx
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I have been so neglecting my Tumblr’ing.
I’ve been so tired lately - I feel like I just work, go to the gym & come home, shower, take some melatonin & crawl into bed so I can fall asleep for as many hours as possible and pretend that this isn’t my life.
I guess I’ll post an update later about why, just for the sake of my own memory.. there just isn’t much personal interaction for me on Tumblr any more; I mean, it’s my own fault too, I don’t really reach out much, but I sometimes just figure ‘what’s the point’ when the feedback isn’t there.
I’m back to eating healthy & what not, though - so I’ll be on here more for inspiration - that is if I’m ever at a computer & not slammed with work, or at the gym, or at home… trying to sleep away my life.
xox
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7) I have so many goals for life, but I feel like I just need to be thin for any of them to be accomplished.
Oh my god.
My life in one sentence.
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