Amputee’d

Anyone who knows me well, knows I’ve always been single. My entire life.. come up on a quarter century of nothing being for sure in the romance department. If it was sure for me it wasn’t for them, if it was sure for them, I thought they were crazy.. and weren’t they?
Who can say forever.. who can say for always. My mom told me when I was about five I developed this characteristic of “but you said”. Like a little lawyer.. I tried to hold people to their word- even if their word was “we’re going to the mall later.”
Then you grow up and realize.. people change, feelings do to & nothing is for certain.
I never knew how they did it.. my friends; being in relationships- loving, losing, starting over.
I don’t know if I want to feel what it’s like to have someone on the same page as you completely and then over time, suddenly they’re throwing out the entire book.
I’m not that kind of girl.
I don’t do well with broken promises, so they’re better off not made.. but what I really believe the past 24 and a half years were preparing me for was being ready.
Ready to pick myself up, should things fall through.
I always said my worst fear was losing a limb… how did people go on not being whole.. missing an arm or a leg.
The things in my life, the terrible losses, and the blessings.. have all lead me to this moment; where I finally know:

I’d learn to cope.

Because of that, I’m not afraid any more.
Of anything.

I don’t even know how to put into words what I’m feeling, but I know that everything had to happen the way it did, and will continue- because no matter what, I will find a way through things.